btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
