I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
