I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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