were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
