She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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