yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
