I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
