The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
