Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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