i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
