that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
