Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
