If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
