Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
