I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
