Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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