Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
