Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
