take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
