6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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