Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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