Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
