i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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