I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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