He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Vodka?
Forever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His nipple licking is glorious
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