We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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