My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
