i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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