Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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