It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
