with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
