I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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