wakey wakey hands off snakey
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
