Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
