I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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