11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
