you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
