Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
