Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
