There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
