how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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