I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize