Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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