you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
