If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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