i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
