I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
