Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize