that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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