So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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