My brain says no but my pants say off.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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