What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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