I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
