so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
