You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
