So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
