god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
