Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
