I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
