I need help removing her.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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