It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
