He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's shark week go big or go home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
