i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
