After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
