Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize