Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
