dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
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