Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
