Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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